Krystal's

Vice & Counsel

The Wisdom of a Waitress

Dear Krystal

So i hesitate in even asking this, but you seem like the kind of woman that can handle such a question… I was at Dirty Sally’s a few weekends ago and there was this guy. He wasn’t the most handsome guy, but he had this confidence about him, y’know? I mean, my inner voice was screaming RUN as he approached me… but I just couldn’t. Besides, I’ve never been a gal to turn down a free drink… plus he looked familiar – like famous or something. Anyway, he went on and on about how great he is and how much money he has… I mean the guy wouldn’t shut up! I had about enough and I excused myself to go to the restroom. I ‘powdered my nose’ and when i came back out – he was there waiting for me. The bastard cornered me in the hall and grabbed my … well… ‘down there’… and told me I was the most beautiful creature he’d ever seen… he’d never seen such a beauty like mine. He pulled me toward him and kissed me, grabbing my tit, and not letting me escape. His tongue felt like a wet sock and was all over my face. I tried like hell to get away, but he pushed me against the wall, lifted my skirt and stuck his little prick inside me…  I’m a wreck over this! I’m fuckin pissed; I can’t sleep; his face haunts me… How could I be so stupid? It’s such a blur, but I managed to kick him in the shin and push by him. Crying and make-up smeared, I told the bartender the sonnova bitch was picking up my tab and left. No matter how many times I showered I could not get the smell of Brut off me… Then a couple weeks later, I see in the paper about some rich fuck buying up a bunch of real estate. It was him! …. and the worst part of it is now I’m late. 

SO my question is… Just who does he think he is?! What can we do about my problem, Krystal?

Signed… Violated & Vehement in Vivalasvegas

Dear Violated

oh sweetie… i know the type… and i know THIS Brut-wearin’ sonnova bitch. Honey, i am sorry but you are gonna haft-a stuff it. Sugar… it burns me up to say this, but there are just some guys – and this is one – who’s pockets are too deep and connections too vast to even try to take down. you ain’t the first he’s grabbed by the pussy and you won’t be the last. i’ve been in your shoes, girl – literally – and I know of several others. I know you’re pissed. I know you wanna do something ANYTHING to get back at him… jus take that anger and channel it elsewhere… this is a dead-end road and i mean DEAD end road.…. the bastard. 

come on by the coffee shop hon and we’ll light a few, down a few and i’ll introduce you to some friends a mine that can help you with your situation…. 

<3 K

"I ate one hundred elebenteen pancakes!"

Do you have a burning question for Krystal?

…if you just have a burning, there is a cream for that…

Write in and our editors will be sure and catch her between slinging burgers to answer you.

Vice & Counsel

The Wisdom of a Waitress

Dear Krystal

So i hesitate in even asking this, but you seem like the kind of woman that can handle such a question… I was at Dirty Sally’s a few weekends ago and there was this guy. He wasn’t the most handsome guy, but he had this confidence about him, y’know? I mean, my inner voice was screaming RUN as he approached me… but I just couldn’t. Besides, I’ve never been a gal to turn down a free drink… plus he looked familiar – like famous or something. Anyway, he went on and on about how great he is and how much money he has… I mean the guy wouldn’t shut up! I had about enough and I excused myself to go to the restroom. I ‘powdered my nose’ and when i came back out – he was there waiting for me. The bastard cornered me in the hall and grabbed my … well… ‘down there’… and told me I was the most beautiful creature he’d ever seen… he’d never seen such a beauty like mine. He pulled me toward him and kissed me, grabbing my tit, and not letting me escape. His tongue felt like a wet sock and was all over my face. I tried like hell to get away, but he pushed me against the wall, lifted my skirt and stuck his little prick inside me…  I’m a wreck over this! I’m fuckin pissed; I can’t sleep; his face haunts me… How could I be so stupid? It’s such a blur, but I managed to kick him in the shin and push by him. Crying and make-up smeared, I told the bartender the sonnova bitch was picking up my tab and left. No matter how many times I showered I could not get the smell of Brut off me… Then a couple weeks later, I see in the paper about some rich fuck buying up a bunch of real estate. It was him! …. and the worst part of it is now I’m late. 

SO my question is… Just who does he think he is?! What can I do about this, Krystal?

Signed… Violated & Vehement in Vivalasvegas

Dear Violated

oh sweetie… i know the type… and i know THIS Brut-wearin’ sonnova bitch. Honey, i am sorry but you are gonna haft-a stuff it. Sugar… it burns me up to say this, but there are just some guys – and this is one – who’s pockets are too deep and connections too vast to even try to take down. you ain’t the first he’s grabbed by the pussy and you won’t be the last. i’ve been in your shoes, girl – literally – and I know of several others. I know you’re pissed. I know you wanna do something ANYTHING to get back at him… jus take that anger and channel it elsewhere… this is a dead-end road and i mean DEAD end road.…. the bastard. 

come on by the coffee shop hon and we’ll light a few, down a few and i’ll introduce you to some friends a mine that can help you with your situation…. 

<3 K

Do you have a burning question for Krystal?

…if you just have a burning, there is a cream for that…

Write in and our editors will be sure and catch her between slinging burgers to answer you.